i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
