is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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