Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
