we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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