We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
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He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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