Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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