yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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