pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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