At least make sure they are 18
Why
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
