Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
