Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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