this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
