This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This house was built for laser tag.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
