yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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