if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
