my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
