If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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