I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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