Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
