I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
