There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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