just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
