every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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