I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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