I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
