are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
