well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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