i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
