Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
