I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
