OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
