She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
