she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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