it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
