I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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