Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
