R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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