I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
