Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize