How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
