you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
