i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
