I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
