I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
