I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
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We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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