i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
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Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You don't make any sense
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