So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
