i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
