just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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