I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
