Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
