We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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