I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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