see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
